Now dance like a dandelion In the wind on the hill underneath the pines
yeah Move like the river flows Feel the kick drum down deep in your toes

meisterful:

drochfaol:

ryancrobert:

sexybritishllama:

no cough syrup

you are not ‘grape flavoured’

have you ever tasted a grape

you taste like death and the tears of small children

not fucking grape

wow what a surprise another cis-gendered white upper-middle class american male telling someone what they can and cannot identify as. why don’t you go fuck yourself

#i can no longer tell what is and isn’t a joke on tumblr any more

image



yoyosufo:

the-jaeger-pilot:

Chunk takes his education very seriously

His name is Chunk omg

0ffic3cha1r:

generalbooty:

yeah so i slept with this dude last night and idk we were chatting a bit  during the sexy time and for some reason his birthday came up and i was like “wait 25th of september? DUDE me TOO, wtf thats such a coincidence” and he was like “really? we have the same birthday? are u fuckin with me?” and i just looked down at his penis literally inside my vagina and was like “well technically yeah” and he was like haha nice one and high fived me

Get married



blue-eyed-hanji:

spazztastikim:

comebackxkid:

dynastylnoire:

insidehishead:

some of the most sensitive areas of the female body

look at all the regions that are not titties and vagina guys
porn has lied to you. there are other places you can touch that sensitive and pleasurable. 

Oh yeah because I’m just gonna rub her eyes until a she’s horny

Kiss her there you walnut! Use tenderness! Hold her face gently and stroke her eyelids with your thumb and then kiss them! Run your hands down to her neck when you do! THINK!!! Lordie, you have a lot to learn that TOUCH gives more than making her “horny” you’ll drive her nuts doing gentle stuff! It’s trust! It’s care! It’s sensitivity! *smacks your forehead* You want her to be numb in complete ecstasy! I know this shit and I’m ASEXUAL! 

hear hear
chilledcoolcat:

draycen:

cobainn:

cup0fnoodles:

fatallywhimsical:

astrospection:

ATTENTION: SIGNAL BOOST THE SHIT OUT OF THIS RIGHT NOW. THIS IS NOT OK I HAVE FOUR DOGS AND I WOULD KILL THE BASTARD WHO TRIES TO HARM THEM OR ANY OTHER ANIMAL. SIGNAL BOOST PLEASE.

KEEP ALL ANIMALS INDOORS ON HALLOWEEN
Whether or not this Pit Bull thing is legit (it probably is—people love any reason to kill Pits), it’s just a good idea to keep all your animals—dogs, cats, whatever—indoors on Halloween evening and night. 
There are some really gross people out there who will use Halloween, or the night before Halloween, as an “excuse” to kill domestic animals for fun.
I had a friend who left her cat outside during the day on Halloween and didn’t make it home until after dark, and by the time she returned someone or a group of people had killed it. Don’t take any chances with your pets. 

Fuck, this pisses me off

if anybody thinks of coming near my dog they are in for a rude awakening 

If anyone hurts my dogs I hurt them

I am so sickened by this.
magicaldisneyworld:

Festival Of Fantasy Parade on Flickr.
"

1. Make a playlist of all your favorite songs, old ones you may have totally forgotten about from middle school or ones that bring back good memories.

2. Take a walk outside. I find I only start to feel worse and wallow if I let myself melt into my bed and engage in the bad feelings.

3. Organize your drawers or closet. It feels good to be productive when you feel like a worthless idiot on the inside. You can look at your clean clothes and feel like a human again.

4. Eat something decadent. Make an ice cream sundae or smores. They’re not just for camping!

5. Go through your phone and delete anyone you no longer talk to or anyone who sucks and makes your life worse.

6. Draw. I have a stack of paper and some colored pencils for just such an occasion. It’s relaxing and fun and won’t stress you out.

7. Call your best friend. No one talks on the phone anymore. I hate it. Let’s all talk in voices!

8. Get some sparkly temporary tattoos and give yourself the weirdest tramp stamp ever. Or decorate your whole arm. Whatever. You know you loved it as a kid.

9. Re-read your favorite book. Highlight the passages that make you love it so much so you’ll never forget them.

10. Start watching “The Wire” or “Arrested Development,” whichever is more your speed at the moment. Indulge in some quality programming to remind yourself life is worth living and people still make good stuff.

11. Read everything you can find about your favorite sports team. If you’re not already, become an expert on the team’s history, statistics and players. It’ll take your mind off you for a while.

12. Go volunteer with animals in some way. Being around cuties and fluffies will brighten your mood, and so will helping those in need.

13. Write someone else a really nice email. Just an out-of-the-blue “thanks for being so great!” email. Why not?

14. Do some yoga poses. You can look them up online if you don’t know any. Try holding them and breathing slowly.

15. Go on Youtube and watch all the “fail” videos you can find. Be grateful you are not that person. Being you isn’t so bad!

16. Light some candles, turn off the lights and meditate for as long as you can hold it.

17. Or do the same and touch yourself. Have a little solo romance, among candles. Are you trying to seduce you?

18. Look up some family genealogy stuff on the internet. Did you know your great-great-great uncle owned a department store in Russia? Now you do! And hey, your ancestors probably had it a lot worse. Since you know, no plumbing and iPhones and stuff.

19. Futz around with your hair. Add some color or see what it would look like curly or in a beehive.

20. Do your make up. Make it look crazy or much thicker than you’d normally wear it. What would you look like as Amy Winehouse or Ke$ha? You’re in the comfort of your own home. Why not see?

21. Eat fruit. Fruit has sugars that can lift your mood. Go for the pineapple and blueberries. Or make yourself a smoothie.

22. If you have a journal, go back and read old entries. Remember all that stuff you cared about a year ago that now doesn’t matter?

23. Smile. Even if you don’t feel like it, sometimes moving the muscles in our face activates chemicals in our brains to lift our moods. Smiling when you don’t want to can actually help you feel better.

"
 Karen Noble, 23 Ways To Feel Better Instantly (via feellng)



fleetwytchmac:

decadentlullaby:

When women used to be depressed or were not “taking care of their men” properly their husbands could send them to the psych ward for attitude adjustments. This was part of conditioning them to always wear a smile. They believed that if a woman saw herself smiling that it would become natural practice and that she would be “cured”. This often went along with shock therapies.

CREEPY.
misha-dmitri-t-krushnic-collins:


pivotalwolf:

anorie:

lotrlockedwhovian:

baara:

the lady behind the counter asked how much whipped cream I wanted and I asked for a shit ton and then she came back with this

We now know the exact amount of shit ton, thank you for your contribution

#Excellent customer service

I used to work at Dunkin and I swear you would do things like this on peoples ridiculous requests and it either got a chuckle and a thank you… Or they bitched you out for being a smart ass.
Example: one time a dude asked for heavy cream so my cashier asked how white they wanted the coffee and they said make it purple. So I went to the decoration area and got flavorless food dye and made it purple. Never had a dude laugh harder in my life

this woukd have made me so happy